The Circle of Caregiving

Tonight (Tuesday November 16) I begin a 3 part series on caregiving. The talks are called Roles of Control Revisited (Take Charge), Letting go (Let go of taking charge), and The Good Visit (Reconnecting with your care recipient and the new caregivers). That is the complete circle; as a caregiver for someone with dementia, you must be willing to take charge. You notice I didn't say take control; that would be coercive. You must learn how to empower that person to care partner with you. This is done by learning what he can do with your help and what you need to take over.
Then there comes the time when home is no longer enough and you must have the courage to let go of complete charge of that person you care for. Giving over the 24/7 care to others is no easy transition. You must choose carefully and then trust they will care well for your family member.
The Good Visit is about joining with the new caregivers in a team effort to deliver the best care, and how to reconnect in a new role with the person you are visiting. I wrote The Good Visit when I experienced not visiting well with my own mother, who did not have dementia but transient delirium from illness. One day she turned to me and said, "Why don't you go now, you are no earthly good to me today. You're somewhere else, not really with me." Wow! I was shocked. She had noticed my presence bodily and absence emotionally. When the person needs the visit structured by you, the visitor, it is important to be present wholly.
If you want a copy of The Good Visit, write me at Stilmee@comcast.net and I'll send you a copy. Others have found it very helpful to having a good visit. If you have my book it is in the Cheat Sheets at the back of the book.