Communication

What is communicating anyway? It is everything we do or say that conveys a message to another. It may be a word, a look, a position of the body or an action. Think of all the ways we convey our wants, needs and feelings to others.
Like a child is, a person with a cognitive disorder is a very keen observer of behavior. As a caregiver we need to remember that affect is contagious. Smile and the world smiles with you the song goes. A smile goes a long way toward working well with a person who has a hard time making his needs known. Taking time conveying something to that person is essential. Speak slower, simpler. Maintain eye contact. Relax your body. Watch what you do with your arms and hands. Are they conveying the message you want? Crossed arms denote impatience. Arms relaxed by your side with your hands outstretched palms up denotes invitation. You can change a potentially volatile situation around by adjusting your body stance.
What about your words. Are they spoken sharply or softly. You've got to eat now is less inviting than Come with me; I've made something good to eat.
Don't beat up on yourself but observe how you relate to your family member with Alzheimer's. This is called cognitive awareness; studying yourself and your behavior. If you find your approach evokes a negative response (fear or irritation), try a different softer approach and see what the difference is. In working with mentally ill persons I learned I could work more easily with them when, aware of their being distracted by voices in their head or having negative thinking, I could minimize their angst by my approach. Relax; go slow. Slow down to the speed of LIFE; theirs.

Caregiver Education a Must

I can't believe it has been almost a month since my last entry. Between tending to my family's needs and preparing for trainings and presentations, I've just let the time get away from me. The response we are getting for the need for education in working respectfully with those people with memory loss is both gratifying and a bit overwhelming. I've studied Alzheimer caregiving for so long I go to give a talk and think, 'surely everyone already knows this'. And then I find out that is not true. As a nurse I wondered how people managed their illness once home. Do their caregivers know what to do? Do they know how to care well? For example, having a baby in a hospital and having a nurse fetch bring him to you every 4 hours is a lot different from having that baby 24/7 and fitting the rest of your life in. I saw families take home someone with mental illness from the units I worked on and decided they needed education about the illness. I started a Family Educational Service. It was so well received, I did the same for families caring for someone with Alzheimer's. The difference of course is that the person with a cognitive disorder often cannot be fully participating in decisions about care. They often don't believe there is anything wrong with them at all. This is where education about how a person with dementia thinks is so very important. When families learn this they are so enlightened as to the reasons behind the changes in behavior. It lightens the load of guilt, frustration and anxiety. If you haven't read my book Matters of the Mind...and the Heart, do so. You will learn how people with memory loss think differently but they are still there. The mind is not the same as the brain. The brain is an organ. The mind is everything the person is. We must learn how to tap the mind, the person's personhood.