Siblings and Caregiving

Home Instead Senior Care's March newsletter addresses the challenges for siblings to share the care of a parent. It starts off "Sharing isn't always easy for sibs who grow up under the same roof. Divvying up the toys, bedrooms or vehicles may have been a challenge at your house, and sharing the daily chores could have led to familly conflict as well. Some things never change." The article goes on to say that 43% of families 'elect' one primary caregiver. In only 2% did sibs share the care.
There is a website for such families that offers good advice. www.solvingfamilyconflict.com
It is funny that this comes out this month as my team and I are taking a full day to study how families operate differently and how this impacts the crisis of an Alzheimer diagnosis. With many years of experience working with families in crisis, this was a welcome request from the team. I've been very impressed that none of the coaches has gotten entangled in a family's dysfunctional responses to crises. They are able to stand back, listen, and observe how individual members view their part in the caregiving and gently offer suggestions based on the members' willingness and abilities. One of the coach's families has routine conference calls with her to address present challenges. The family of brothers comes with an agenda. This makes it easier for the coach to be helpful NOW.
I think of caregiving involvement like a marriage. Each has to give 100% of what they are able to give. Regular conversation about changes, flexibility, planning together for 'what if' situations (like illness of the primary caregiver), and honesty about what each will offer are all great steps towards successfully working together.
If you have tips on how your family has worked together well or not, let us know. I know for my caregiving experience with my mom, each of my 2 sisters had a role that she could and was willing to provide. It was all clearly spelled out, making expectations clear. It helped a great deal and minimized bad feelings.