I'm not myself when you're away

Says Kathy Mattea: "The song is a true story about Jon's grandparents. They had both gotten very sick and were in the same hospital, but didn't know it. His grandmother had been slowly losing it, and she didn't recognize anybody. She was in unfamiliar surroundings, so she finally quit talking altogether. Jon was there visiting, and he was up seeing his grandfather; he said to the nurse, 'Has anybody brought him down to see her?' She said, 'no,' and he asked if he could do that. They said yes, so he wheeled his grandfather into his grandmother's room. His grandfather kept stroking her hair, saying, 'Look at her hair, nobody has hair like grandma,' and she looked at him and said, 'Where have you been?' It was the first thing she had said in weeks.

"When Jon told me the story for the first time, it was before we had even gotten engaged, and he just cried and cried. When he played the song for me and the first chorus came around, I knew where he was going with the lyric, and I just couldn't believe he could be that vulnerable as a writer, to put that moment in a song."

The song was Matteas biggest hit, winning her a Grammy. It also won Song of the Year at the Grammys, CMAs and ACMs. While Mattea had wondered to herself, "Do people want to hear this on the way to work?," the song struck a deep chord, and it was the first time Alzheimer's had been captured in a mainstream hit song.

Where've You Been?

Claire had all but given up
when she and Edwin fell in love.
She touched his face and shook her head.
In disbelief, she sighed and said,
"In many dreams I've held you near.
Now at last you're really here!"

"Where have you been?
I've looked for you forever and a day.
Where have you been?
I'm just not myself when you're away."

He asked her for her hand for life,
and she became a salesman's wife.
He was home each night by eight,
but one stormy evening he was late.
Her frightened tears fell to the floor,
until his key turned in the door...

"Where have you been?
I've looked for you forever and a day.
Where have you been?
I'm just not myself when you're away."

They never spent a night apart.
For sixty years she heard him snore.
Now they're in a hospital,
in separate beds on different floors.

Claire soon lost her memory,
forgot the names of family.
She never spoke a word again.
Then one day they wheeled him in.
He held her hand and stroked her head,
and in a fragile voice she said...

"Where have you been?
I've looked for you forever and a day.
Where have you been?
I'm just not myself when you're away...
No, I'm just not myself when you're away."


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Make Happiness Happen

I am on WATD tomorrow morning talking about how to bring happiness to someone with dementia. My column in the SS Senior News www.southshoresenior.com has the same ideas. I'm including it here for those of you who don't get the paper (you should; log on and read some good articles)

Make Happiness Happen

Believe it or not, August is Happiness Happens Month. Where do they come up with these titles for months anyway? How does one make happiness happen? One of my coaches, Susan, gave me a plaque that reads: ‘We don’t remember days; we only remember moments.’ That is true for all of us. We remember the joy in seeing our first born for the first time. We remember a moment on a vacation that brings a smile or a tear.
We hear a song and the feeling it evokes brings to remembrance who we were with and what we were doing. We are capable of pulling those special memories out of our head and enjoy them again.
Happiness for the person with Alzheimer’s however doesn’t just happen. Since often all the person with memory loss is aware of is this moment, caregivers need to find how to create as many happy moments throughout the day as possible. For each person this can be different. Does music bring a smile? One wife, unable to make her aphasic husband understand her invitation to come to the table to eat, recalled his happiness while ballroom dancing in years past. They had gone dancing weekly then. She decided to put on dance music each meal and invite him to dance which he willingly did. Then she danced him to the table with a smile. When he saw the visual cues of a meal on the table he was ready to sit and eat. She felt joy seeing the happiness on his face so she continued this dance routine three times a day.
A daughter taped the Judge Judy Show, seeing the enjoyment her mother got whenever she watched it. When her mother became restless or irritable, she popped in a Judge Judy tape. Voila; instant smiles and contentment!
So what makes your family member with Alzheimer’s smile? Is it old photos? Is it plants? Does he love the beach, sunsets, baseball games? Try offering those activities and see what feelings of happiness you can make happen for both of you.
Coach Beverly

Connected Living Now @ Home

We at StilMee™ Coaching have joined with My Way Village to offer in the home coaching in using a computer-based program called Connected Living Now. It is a terrific fun way to spend time with your family member with Alzheimer's or other memory disorder. Prompts in the form of pictures, utube film clips, and words evoke memories and encourage the person's sharing them with their care partner, either a family member or hired caregiver. I witnessed residents at Rogerson House in Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts 'come alive' with memories of their lives and share those with a coach. The residents are more engaged, seeking out time at the computer to enjoy sharing with another. We are piloting a program for caregivers at home and hope to launch it March 1, 2010. Write me at StilMee@comcast.net and log on to www.mywayvillage.com and check it out. This program is available at home across the United States. It is very reasonably priced; affordable for everyone.
Beverly

Too long a time

Readers of Stilmee Blogspot,
It has been 3 months since I posted a blog entry. It has been a busy time planning on new services to offer caregivers. We have partnered with My Way Village to offer an inovative computer based program called Connected Living. It evokes long buried memories that bring joy back to the person with memory loss. I and other StilMee coaches have witnessed the effects of this program on residents of Rogerson House in Jamaica Plain, Boston. People come alive remembering events of their lives that brought them joy and contentment through the introduction of picture cues. One gentleman who looked very apathetic and sleepy came awake at the playing of a clip from Fiddler on the Roof. He sang heartilly the wedding song, then asked me if I'd dance. I did. He twirled me, smiling the whole time. He had been brought back to a joyous time from the past. How very lovely to see him come alive, feel the feeling of joy, and be a man again. I went home later that day elated that he had 'come alive' with music. StilMee is happy to partner with My Way Village to bring this to elders with memory loss and their caregivers. What a wonderful way to tap positive memories and write them down as cherished memoirs.

Coach Beverly