Last Days

Recently a former caregiver client I coached years ago, presented me with a book she and her dad wrote about the last year with her mom who had Alzheimer's and the first year of his being without her. I am anxious to find the time to read this story. It is called Her Final Year; a Care-Giving Memoir and His First Year; A Journey of Recovery. The authors are James Downey and John Bourke with Martha John and Kathi Bourke. Kathi was my coaching client. In the section How to Use This Book, the authors write,"...some of it is more than a little embarrassing. We have decided to share it, and show it as it was, because we deeply believe that it is extremely important that anyone entering into a care-giving relationship understand the reality of what they will likely experience. You will make mistakes. You will think you are going to go crazy. You will sometimes feel crushed by the isolation and stress. You will sometimes resent, or even hate, the person for whom you are caring. You will get into arguments with family and friends and say and do things you might later regret. These things are all completely normal human reactions to the situation you will be is."
This gives me courage again to write my second book; my journey with me mother in law Bette over 14 years until her death at 99 1/2 years of age in 2009. Thanks Kathi for reminding me to expose true feelings both good, bad and ugly at times, to help others who are going through the caregiving experience. It also is 2 books; the first exploring changes in attitudes and treatment of dementia and the second, a personal story. Perhaps because it has been almost 3 years I'm ready to finish it.

Tips for the Holidays from Alzheimer's Association

Ready for the holidays?

Holidays are times for getting together, sharing laughter and making memories, but the juggling act to keep the traditions can be stressful. Care giving is a daily challenge--add holiday expectations and even the most competent care partners feel overwhelmed. Consider these holiday strategies, and involve all family members including the person with Alzheimer's disease. Remember, too, that you can always call our 24/7 Helpline at 800.272.3900 if you need answers.

· Give yourself permission to simplify.Turn off the "we've always done that" button.

· Divide tasks and share responsibilities.

· Include the person with Alzheimer's in safe, manageable activities.

· Be flexible. Schedule activities to accommodate the person with dementia.

· Prepare for a post-holiday letdown. Do something that brings you peace and enjoyment.

· Be kind to yourself.

Letting someone know that she or he is loved, safe and valued is the greatest gift of all.

My mother in law is dying this evening. She is 99 and has had Alzheimer's for more then 14 years. She is fighting death just as she fought in life. It is sad to see the life go out of her. She expressed herself in music, in art, in cooking, entertaining, and telling everyone who would listen her ideas...that were always right! I'm writing a book about her and me struggling with this disease Alzheimer's. She taught me more than all the books on the subject. There is nothing like living it.
For a personal mystical peek into the Alzheimer mind, read Still Alice. Amazing book about a bright woman and her going through the stages of the disease. Get it; you won't be sorry.
Coach Beverly